Engagement can happen without “nagging” – The Denver Post

Dear Amy: This summer, my boyfriend and I will be celebrating our seventh anniversary as a couple.

We have been living together for a year. He’s 32, and I’m turning 26.

I am ready for the next step: engagement. While he says he wants to be engaged, too, he doesn’t seem to be taking any steps to get us there.

It seems like everyone around us is getting engaged or married, and taking their next steps, while I feel like we’re not progressing further.

Can I get him to propose without nagging him?

— Unengaged Upstate Woman

Dear Unengaged: You were quite young when you and your guy first got together, and you are now at an age where many people feel pressure to tie the knot.

As emotionally loaded as the prospect of marriage is, the ability to discuss marriage openly and with comfort now will predict other important conversations later — about sex, money, children, work and family responsibilities. A therapist once told me, “People ‘nag’ when they don’t feel heard.”

Having a conversation is not the same as nagging, as long as both of you talk and listen and feel heard and understood.

If you want to create a timeline for engagement, you should say so. You could say, “I’m feeling a strong pull toward getting engaged. You say you want this, too — how do you feel about setting a basic timeline for taking this step?”

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